The Raw Truth

Would you like to hear "the raw truth" about marriage?

What are some of the lies about marriage?  Here are some lies that many today have "swallowed hook, line and sinker."

"I'll be happier with another person."  Reality:  no one is perfect.  You cannot find happiness in another person.  Happiness must flow from within you.  Marriage counseling can teach you to find happiness within yourself.

"It's all my partner's fault."  Reality:  you have your faults too.  You will never make progress in your marriage by blaming all the problems on your spouse.  Marriage counseling can teach you how to start changing your self.

"I don't love my spouse anymore....I have no feelings left."  Reality:  you are hurting.  You loved your spouse once.  Don't base your marriage on feelings.  Marriage counseling can teach you how to change your feelings and fall in love all over again.

"All we do is argue.  I've got to get out of this marriage."  Reality:  you learned how to argue from your past.  You are upset.  Now decide to learn how to not argue.  Marriage counseling can teach you communication skills that will help you communicate effectively and smoothly in your marriage without arguing constantly and ferociously.

It's time to face hard reality, not fantasy.  Don't run from your problems.  Call a marriage counselor now! Find "the raw truth" about marriage.  Decide to build an invincible marriage!!  Stick around to see the miracle that God will do with your marriage. 

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, ACSW, PIP

Marriage Counselor

Psychotherapist

Little by Little

The wise man Solomon gave solid advice about growing your money.  He said, "He that gathers money little by little will make it grow."  Einstein said his greatest marvel of the universe was "compound interest."  Laura Langemeier uses this same principle in her book, The Millionaire Maker.  Pay off debts and start a wealth account that you can make grow "little by little."

I believe that this same principle of "little by little" is also very important in marriage counseling.  I am looking for growth, expecting improvement.  And usually it happens "little by little."  I combine solution oriented marriage counseling which gets quick results with Imago therapy with helps to build a strong infrastructure for marriage.  On a 1-10 scale with a "1" being a terrible marriage and "10" and awesome marriage, I find that couples usually start at a 1-4 and slowly move up to a 7-10.  This approach to marriage counseling produces solid results that will last. 

At the end of marriage counseling, I recommend a plan to continue the wonderful marriage that a couple has discovered.

Kent R. Brand,  Marriage Counselor and Marriage Therapist

A Family Matter First

Marriage Counseling that Sticks!!

I saw a couple for three sessions of marriage counseling.  Their marriage went from terrible to great very quickly.

Recently, I saw the wife for another session.  She said, "we didn't do it long enough."  I agree.  Marriage counseling is not a quick fix.  It takes time and multiple sessions to build a strong infrastructure for your marriage.  Yes, marriage counseling needs to have quick solutions, but it also needs to have deep and solid interventions to increase the continued strength of the marriage.  Dr. John Gottman says that once you have your marriage to a satisfactory level---it takes 9 more months of solid work to keep it there.  Marriage counseling needs to focus on the encouragement in the beginning.  Later, marriage counseling needs to focus on tools to help the marriage to continue to do great.  Practice. Practice. Practice.  Will breed success, success, success!!

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, ACSW, PIP

Marriage Counselor

The Vow

Did you see the movie, "The Vow?"  Whether or not you like the movie, I hope you were impressed with the rugged tenacity of commitment to marriage.  I found this to be admirable.

How about you?  Have you been true to your vows?  Are you being tested?  Are you willing to do whatever it takes to keep your marriage alive?

I take the vows of my marriage seriously.  My beautiful bride and I have been married for 42 years.  Here are the vows that I gave to my bride 42 years ago:  "I give this sacred pledge to my beloved praying that this pledge may never be erased from our hearts.  I promise to always respect your ideas, to take pleasure in your secrets, to care for your needs, to feel and sympathize with you, to appreciate, value, and prize the very thought of you, to make our lives spontanious, creative and alive, to never fail to keep the divine foremost, to earnestly strive to make each day a new adventure in love, to keep my body pure and healthy, to tenderly advise and correct, to keep ablaze the fire of love, to encourage when in difficulty, to pray when impossibility blocks our path, to overcome friction with small acts of love, to trust the Lord to supply every need, to help you labor in strength and dignity, to share our happiness with others, to combine our hearts into one, to endure patiently the stormy weather of sickness and sorrow, to joyfully and eagerly anticipate each reunion, to give God the glory with our very lives."

Are there better vows?  Yes.  Have I kept these vows perfectly?  No.  But we are still madly in love with each other.  We have a passionate, best friend relationship.  Prayer and sharing intimate spiritual thoughts is important to us.  We have a date most every Friday night.  We deeply love each other.

If you are struggling to keep your vows, I invite you to seriously consider marriage counseling.

Kent R. Brand

Marriage Counselor

Miserable Marriage?

Are you in a miserable marriage?  Are you thinking of divorce? 

You do not need to stay in a miserable marriage!!!!  Most people think the only alternative to a miserable marriage is divorce.

There is another way!!!  Have a passionate, best friend, amazing marriage.  Have the dream marriage!

My experience as a marriage counselor for years has shown me time and time again that marriages that are miserable can radically change for the better.

You are not alone.  There is solid help with great answers to a struggling marriage.  Make the decision to get help.

Kent R. Brand

Marriage Counselor

Psychotherapist

HOW DO I KNOW I NEED MARRIAGE COUNSELING? 

I know I need marriage counseling if my marriage is not supremely happy. 

I know I need marriage counseling if my spouse and I continually argue over the same things and there is no resolution. 

I know I need marriage counseling if the trust in our marriage is weak. 

I know I need marriage counseling if my marriage is in trouble and I have never tried marriage counseling. 

I know I need marriage counseling if all other attempts have failed to improve the marriage. 

I know I need marriage counseling if my spouse and I rarely spend any time together. 

I know I need marriage counseling if one of us has “lost that loving feeling.” 

I know I need marriage counseling if I am confused by all the advice from family and friends. 

I know I need marriage counseling if I will do whatever it takes to save my marriage. 

I know I need a good marriage counselor if I have been to an ineffective therapist in the past. 

Please continue to diligently search for the very best marriage counselor possible.   Your 

marriage is more than worth it.  And pray for abundant wisdom in choosing the right counselor for you.  God will give it to you. 

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, PIP 

Phone (256) 766-5707 

416 North Seminary Street 

Florence, Alabama 35630 

kentroybrand@aol.com 

www.afamilymatterfirst.com 

TREADMILL SYNDROME

Are you running on empty?  Do you feel tired of not being appreciated?  Doing all the work?  Feeling like you don't matter?  Tired all the time?  Stretched to the limit at work and home?  Is your marriage falling apart?  Are your children struggling?  Is your boss a tyrant?  Are the bills overwhelming?  Are people being mean to you?  Does life seem meaningless?  What's the point?  Do you feel like a failure?  Does it seems like nothing ever turns out good?

Perhaps you are experiencing what I call the treadmill syndrome.  You run and run and run.  It seems like it will never end.  Even rest is not true rest.  As a runner I sometimes feel like my running on a treadmill will never end.  Especially on the days when I run a 10K.

When life has tackled me for a loss, I need perspective, advisors, mentors, and new thoughts.  This is what I see psychotherapy does for us.  It gives us hope of getting off the treadmill and finding some true rest and peace.  As I share my problems, my advisor can give me hope, perspective, and new ways of doing things.  Please consider getting out of this downward spiral by finding a good listener and some new hope.  I believe psychotherapy is perfect for this need.

Kent R. Brand,  MSW, LCSW, ACSW, PIP

Psychotherapist

Marriage Counselor

Chilld Therapist

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

Why Family First?

Why family first?

There are many things that are important in life.  Our jobs and job security is very important in this ecomony.  Our friendships in life are very important.  To most of us hobbies, exercise and sports are high on the list of importance.  Our personal happiness is also a high priority.  Paying the bills and being financially secure are also very important.

However, there is one thing that is the most important of all.  Marriage, family and children should the number one priorty in your life.  The only thing that should supersede this is a relationship with God.

In today's society marriage and family values are being trashed.  No one feels significant.  Every person is for self.  Chaos abounds.  Confusion is rampant.  The whole foundation of society is crumbling.

It is time to take a stand.  Start making a priority of marriage and family in your own life.  A better world begins with you and me.  Make a radical and decisivie move to improve your marriage and family.  Write down goals.  Attend a marriage and family seminar.  Seek marriage counseling.  Find psychological answers for your child.  Win the war against negativity.  Decide to put your family first.  Be courageous.  Don't get discouraged.

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

Marriage Counselor

Child Therapist

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

FIGHTING, ARGUING, or BICKERING?

"We argue constantly."  "There is no peace in our marriage."  "We don't know how to communicate."

All couples have disagreements.  The key is finding out how to disagree in a way that is not destructive to your spouse or even builds up the inner value of your spouse.

I love the title of Elizabeth Berstein's article for the Wall Street Journal: FIGHTING HAPPILY EVER AFTER.  Arguments do not mean your relationship is ending.  Constant arguing and affairs are the top two reasons why couples come to me for marriage counseling.  Approximately 80-90% of these couples find ways to deal with their issues.  Their marriages go from terrible to terrific!

Many times we all find ourselves imitating hurtful arguments that our parents had.  Other times we feel we must win the argument at all costs.  Sometimes we make issues that are not right or wrong into a major war issue that we believe we must win decisively.

The past, old patterns, disturbing issues all create chaos and conflict in our marriages.  This leads to great confusion and high emotions.

Marriage counseling specializes in teaching married couples new ways to communicate.  The couples who come to me diligently practice the new communication techniques and find wonderful results.  A couple who were constantly fighting used the new techniques and told me at the next appointment that the new exercises had saved a good three or four arguments.  The next appointment they reported that they had not argued in three weeks.

Once a couple learns the basics of the above techniques we move to learning how to handle rage and turn it into a postive.  This is not easy.  It involves a step by step process of communication that has definite rules and positive goals.

Do you want resolution?  Do want to learn how to end an argument?  Did you know that sometimes a small change can shift the tone of the whole argument?  Do you long to feel at peace with your spouse?  A marriage friendly marriage counselor can successfully guide you through each of these journeys.  Teamwork with a successful marriage counselor can bring a radiance and glow back to your communication.

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

Marriage Counselor

RESEARCH ON SEX IN MARRIAGE

The University of Cincinnati has published research that shows that married sex reduces stress and anxiety for up to seven days.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine research has shown that just thinking about sex in your marriage improves your sex life.  Researchers think that simply thinking about sex, wanting to make it better and paying attention to what works can make all the difference.

David Weeks, a neuropsychologist at Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland suggests that, "More orgasms may lead to a greater release of hormones that bolster your immune system and slow premature aging."  This was in response to a ten year study of more than 3,500 men and women.  Those who looked the youngest reported far more active sex lives than the older-looking participants (Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman).

If your marriage is suffering from the romance blues and a sexless marriage, find you a good marriage counselor who can guide you to success in your married sex life.  There are endless possibilities of ravishing romance, lusty love, and sizzling sex available.  Just ask a good sex therapist or marriage counselor.  Turn your marriage rut into a sparkling new marriage.

Kent R. Brand

Sex Therapist

Marriage Counselor

POTENTIAL

Are you expecting your marriage to end in divorce?  Have you given up hope?  We tend to live up to expectations.  So if you expect divorce, guess what will happen?  You guessed it.  Divorce.

On the other hand if you expect to find a great marriage counselor and find solid answers to move your marriage ahead.  Guess what will happen.  Likely, you will find a great marriage counselor.  And guess what this marriage counselor will help you do?  Exactly, move your marriage ahead to true greatness.

Fake Dreams or Real Magic?

Hollywood gives us the image of the perfect couple--Mr. Stud and Ms. Body.  But what is Hollywood's track record for successful and happy marriages?

The real magic comes when you find the special someone.  Fall head over heels in love.  Go through the stage of "why did I marry this person?"  Crumble under the blaming stage of marriage where you each totally blame the other for all the problems.  Find a great marriage counselor.  Begin to find a little strength to dream again.  Then step by step you rebuild the marriage into real and solid magic.

Kent R. Brand

Marriage Counselor

HURRY AND WORRY

So many times in my life I have been full of hurry and worry.  At one time worry overwhelmed my life.  I was not stopping to think about the things that could give me peace and happiness.  I was in too big of a hurry to stop and evaluate.  That led to trouble and physical pain.  I saw that I was neglecting the most important values in all my hurry and worry.

Psychotherapy can help you stop, evaluate, and find the peace you need in your life, marriage or family.  Don't make the same mistake I made.  Stop!  Think about what is important.  Write down some new decisions.  Seriously consider getting help.  Believe that psychotherapy and marriage counseling can give you new direction and happiness.

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

Marriage Counselor

Child Therapist

GO TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM

Many times problems in your marriage or family cannot be solved with a bandaid.  The problems are too deep and the bandaid falls off quickly leaving you with the exact same problem.  You need to go to the root of the problem in your marriage, child or yourself.  If you just treat surface issues, you will end up feeling like you have been on an endless treadmill for years.

Often we blame our problems on others without seeing that the real solution is pulling up the weed by the roots in our own marriage, child or ourselves.

I have seen many medical problems in myself be resolved not by drugs but, by dealing with the root of the problem.  I decided to deal with the root rather than just the symptom.

What are the deep roots in your marriage, child, or yourself?  Have you been successful or unsuccessful in pulling up these roots? 

Often, we need the help of others or a professional to recognize roots and begin to pull up these roots.  Digging up these roots can be painful and usually are not quick fixes.

The easy thing is to avoid change and just accept these problems.  My advice to you is to rise up and decide to deal with these problems in a decisive way.  God has so many awesome things in store for you.  Just take the step and decide!!!

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

Marriage Counselor

Child Therapist

"I can't afford not to"

When it comes to my marriage or my child, my philosophy has always been "I can't afford not to."  Many times in our marriage we seemingly did not have the money for a date or an anniversary trip, the thought kept coming back to me "I can't afford not to."  Other times we have made sacrifices for our children when it appeared that we did not have the money.  But love found a way and we were blessed for our faith in the outcome.  Many times in our marriage we have been given a free vacation.  One time we were given a free trip to Austria.  Where there is a will there is a way.

You may be thinking that you cannot afford marriage counseling.  But my thought is "you can't afford not to."  The average cost of a divorce is $20,000 (other research suggests $15,000).  One man recently told me that his divorce cost him $100,000. 

Consider the gigantic expenses after the divorce is final.  Your lifestyle costs are enormous--drastic reduction in income with often the same expenses.  The devastating costs emotionally to your children are huge--and they get no vote.  Emotional costs to you would likely be depression and other anxiety challenges.  And how much will these challenges cost you?  What would a divorce do to your relationship with God?  I suspect there would also be great spiritual costs.  The costs of new relationships would be fear of failure, distrust, and the anxieties of building new relationships.

If you think you cannot afford therapy for your children, think of the costs of jail, drug or alcohol addictions, broken relationships for your children, treatment programs, teenage pregnancy, and other challenges.

Please know that in the long run therapy can save you thousands of dollars and incredible heartache.  Please be willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage and family!

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

Marriage Counselor

Child Therapist

Learn Winning Ways

The most successful men's college basketball coach of all time was John Wooden.  John excelled as a player and coach, but most of all in the integrity of his life.  His seven priniciples for life were simple but powerful:  (1)  be true to yourself; (2)  make each day a masterpiece; (3)  help others; (4)  drink deeply of good books; (5)  develop the fine art of friendship; (6)  make provisions for a rainy day; and (7)  pray for guidance.

If you would like success with your marriage, a child or within yourself, these seven principles are a great place to start.  Good psychotherapy will help you take the next step beyond just survival to truly celebrating the greatness within you and finding deep peace that no one can take away from you.

As you start the journey of marriage counseling or psychotherapy, decide now that you will "go all out" like Coach Wooten did as a player and coach.  Your journey will be much more pleasant if you take his advice and embrace his seven principles of life. 

Kent R. Brand

Marriage Counselor

Child Therapist

Psychotherapist

The 10 Commandments of Marriage

#1  Pursue God with a passion.  Seek God together.

#2  Stay far away from emotional or physical affairs.

#3  Live a life of integrity and honesty.

#4  Take time for your marriage, children, and rest.

#5  Make family a priority.  Seek to honor each other.

#6  Keep a bridle on your tongue, speech, and anger.  Think before you speak.

#7  Seek true and faithful love.  Be intoxicated with her breasts.  Be intoxicated with his words and kisses.  Have beautiful and thrilling sex.

#8  Be generous in showing respect and admiration to each other.

#9  Use your words to protect and encourage each other.

#10  Find your ultimate security in God.  Make your spouse feel valuable and special.

Adapted from the original 10 Commandments by Kent R. Brand, Marriage Counselor

NAGGING

Nagging in marriage has a bad rap.  However, beware if your mate stops nagging.  That is the real sign of trouble. 

However, nagging can be extremely irritating to a marriage.  It drives you apart from your spouse and produces unhealthy feelings. 

Marriage counseling will give both the giver and recipient of nagging some very practical pointers on how to turn around this annoying practice.  I have seen countless couples break the cycle of nagging and arguing.  Be determined to "break the cycle" and have an amazing marriage.  I like what a recent article on marriage in the Wall Street Journal said:  "would you rather be right or be married?"

Kent R. Brand

Marriage Counselor

HOW COUPLES CAN REVIVE THE SEXUAL SPARK

In a recent Wall Street Journal article, columnist, Melinda Beck gives some interesting statistics about married sex.  The average number of times married couples have sex annually is 58.  However, many couples find that sex is almost non-existant because of intense anger, lack of time, self-esteem struggles, stresses of life, fatigue, intense power struggles and sometimes medical problems.  The key is finding practical solutions to real sexual problems in your marriage.  Dr. Morgentaler is quoted in the article:  "People can have absolutely nothing in life and still have a great sexual relationship."

My conviction is that barriers need to be broken down so that couples can learn how to truly be generous with one another.  These barriers and solutions is what makes marriage counseling so fantastic.  Yes, you can get your groove back.  As Josh Turner sings "my baby is a firecracker", you too can rediscover explosive "firecracker" sex in your marriage.

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist & Marriage Counselor

A Family Matter First

The Valentine Puzzle?

Research shows that divorce filings are up 40% during the Valentine season. 

I wonder why?  As a marriage counselor and psychotherapist, I can offer observations and possible theories to why this happens.

Just as passion is the great slayer of adversity so passion directed in the wrong place is hard to hide.  The spouse notices the lack of attention most when they want it the most.  Also,  the secret passions of an unfaithful spouse will be more evident during the Valentine season.  Perhaps the spouse will find a receipt or notice phone records.

Valentine season shows us how deeply true love is sought.  It also shows us how true love is often missing.  Why seek the thrill of an affair when you could take your terrible marriage and make it better than it ever was?  It is possible.  I have seen it happen multiple times.

Instead of having an affair, why not seek competent marriage counseling for the true love and thrills of a lifetime.  It will be well worth it.  It could be the best Valentine gift ever for your marriage.  Think about it.

80-90% of the terrible marriages who come to me turn around and become a marriage better than ever!

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

Marriage Counselor

A Family Matter First

New Freedom!!!

Discover the new freedom of not trying to change your spouse.  This is really one of the special secrets of an incredible marriage. 

A skilled marriage counselor can help you learn how to change yourself instead of focusing on changing your spouse.  There are some beautiful keys to changing yourself that a skilled marriage counselor can teach you with special one on one and couple guidance.

The amazing thing that I witness almost every day is that when one person starts to change in the marriage it produces a dynamic synergy that dramatically changes the whole marriage.

Kent R. Brand

National Marriage Counselor

MARRIAGE COUNSELING THAT DOESN'T WORK

Marriage counseling does not work if your therapist does not believe in marriage.

Marriage counseling does not work if your marriage counselor asks each of you, "How do you feel?"

Marriage counseling does not work if your marriage counseling sessions turn into arguments.

Marriage counseling does not work if your therapist takes sides.

Marriage counseling does not work if the couple only goes for one or two sessions.

WANT TO FIND SOME MARRIAGE COUNSELING THAT DOES WORK?  FIND SOLUTIONS?  DIG DEEP?  TAKE IT TO THE LIMIT?  CALL 256-766-5707 to start to work on your marriage now!!!

Falling Apart or Sticking Like Glue?

Is your marriage falling apart or sticking like glue?

Just as two metals melt together to forge a strong alloy--so a husband and wife can learn skills of how to become one.

The challenge in our busy society is that we see the exact opposite happening.  Each person goes their own separate way with little communication with the other spouse.

Would you like to find out how to turn this around so that you can have a marriage that sticks like glue?  Marriage counseling with show you the special ingredients to the glue!

Kent R. Brand

Marriage Counselor

Lord OF THE RINGS

The Psalmist inspired by the Holy Spirit said: “Unless the Lord builds the house (marriage), its builders labor in vain.”  I heard Zig Ziglar, the famous motivational speaker, say that he has a friend who is a doctor who did a study of hundreds of marriages.  This study concluded that if a couple does three things in their marriage there is only one chance in two hundred that the marriage will end in divorce: (1) go to church together regularly; (2) read the Bible out loud together daily; and (3) pray out loud together daily.  After seeing their marriage move from horrible to great many clients tell me the most significant part of the therapy was the spiritual component.  When God is Lord of the rings in a marriage, divorce is defeated!!!!  May God grant each of us the strength to honor marriage the way God does: “Marriage should be honored by all, and marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4).

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, PIP

Psychotherapist

256-766-5707

kentroybrand@aol.com

www.afamilymatterfirst.com

Rising Higher

In his book, BECOME A BETTER YOU, Joel Osteen shares some insight into his early years of marriage:  "Victoria and I were married in 1987 and for the first few years, like any young couple, we were trying to learn how to live together as one.  The problem was that she wasn't learning the way I wanted her to.  We didn't have major difficulties, just minor irritations.  I'd argue over things that didn't matter, always wanting to have my way, not willing to compromise.  I'll never forget--God spoke to me back then, not aloud, but deep inside.  He said, 'Joel, if you don't make changes and do your part to keep the peace in the family, you're  not only going to change the beautiful girl you married, but it's going to cause you major problems in the future.'  That was all the warning I needed.  Thank God, I was smart enough to heed that warning......."

Maybe God is speaking to you in "a still, small voice."  Maybe He is saying that you cannot solve your problems in your marriage or family alone.   Maybe He is saying to not put off marriage counseling another day.  He still whispers in a still, small voice today.  Are you listening for His voice?  You can do better.  You can find happiness in your marriage.  There is no limit to what God can show you when you pursue Him with all your heart, listen to His guidance, and quickly put into practice what He is showing you.  Don't have any regrets, seek marriage counseling today.  Call 256-766-5707.

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

AFFAIR BUSTING

For the victim of the affair: Start thinking about why the affair happened and anything you can change as a result.  Ask you partner if s/he wants to change things about the MARRIAGE.

Learn how to thought-stop.  Learn how to zap them.  Useless to do this too early.  Decide to use the thought-stopping method.  BE committed to freeing yourself from negativity.  When a negative thought comes, envision a big red stop sign.  FORCE yourself to immediately think something else.  Picture details of something pleasant–soothing scene.  Awkward and artificial–yes.  Fall-yes.  Just get right back into thought-stop.  If you think about negative thoughts you will feel terrible.  If you think positive thoughts you will feel great.  You can choose what you think.  It really works!!

Forgive.  Very hard, but without it a marriage cannot thrive.  Don’t choose to just live together in a shallow meaningless relationship.  Choose love.  Forgive.  Yes, you feel justified, but you feel miserable.  You can’t feel joy when you are too busy being angry or disappointed.  Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  It is not the same as forgetting.  Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a decision.  Make peace. Make up.  Make love.

Clearing the Air

How do couples “clear the air” when they are hurt or disappointed by something their partner says or does?

Teaching couples ZERO CRITICISM and how to express dissatisfaction, anger, or disagreement in a healthy way is a major goal of my approach to therapy with marriages in trouble. 

Dr. John Gottman in his book, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail...and How You Can Make Yours Last, says that spouses should never attack their spouse’s personality or character.  He also says that expressing feelings in a gentle manner without blame is a key learned response to potential arguments in a marriage.

I have found that teaching couples to replace negative behaviors toward their spouse with extreme positive behaviors like lavish praise, special time alone, and warm affection can revolutionize a marriage from serious trouble to great happiness.

I am excited about sharing these tools with couples whose marriages who need a fulfilling relationship.  If you know of any married couples who would be interested in this innovative form of relationship coaching, please ask them to visit my website or call me.

Thank you for not “standing outside the fire” with couples who need to “clear the air.”

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, ACSW, PIP

www.afamilymatterfirst.com

kentroybrand@aol.com

256-335-3997

256-766-5707

DIVORCE BUSTER

Divorce Busting is a proven and solution oriented approach to saving marriages.  My mentor, Michele Weiner Davis from Boulder, Colorado, as been a regular guest on Oprah, 48 Hours, The Today Show, and CBS This Morning.  Since developing the approach in 1978 she has saved hundreds and thousands of marriages.  The beauty of this approach is that it is effective even if only one spouse wants therapy.  Unlike other methods that I studied before I chose Michele's approach, Divorce Busting is not insight oriented (I do believe some insight is helpful).  Rather, Divorce Busting is poignant, powerful, practical, and full of hope!!!

Michele believes that couples whose marriages are experiencing severe problems can actually "expect the impossible."  Here are some responses from couples who have received Divorce Busting Therapy:

"Miracles can happen.  You can have your relationship back.  I just want everyone who is fighting for their marriage to know that there are incredible success stories."

"We had an argument that led to my husband leaving.  After months of counseling we decided to postpone the court date and work on the marriage.  he moved home and things have been good, often great, ever since!"

"I never knew I could be so much in love.....Thank you for helping us change our marriage, our love, and our lives."

"My husband ran off with another woman.  When he came home, he sexually abused my child.  That was the worst day of my life.  I never gave up and now we have been very happy for three years."

"My wife asked to to leave about three months ago.  She said it was over and she was not in love with me and that we were never getting back together...I was a mess.  I could not sleep.  After Divorce Busting Therapy, slowly things started to change...We still have to work on our relationship but now I know that things will work out."

"I have implemented your techniques.  It worked like a charm!  My husband, who was ready to divorce because he was "not in love," now says that he is recommitted to our marriage and he is coming to therapy with me...I see a bright future ahead."

"My husband refused to be involved with the children and I was so frustrated with him.  With the divorce looming I implemented your strategies and have seen huge improvements iwth family participation on his part.  Your therapy was the catalyst.  Thank you."

"Thank you for saving my marriage.  My wife said the 'love was gone' and started having an affair...............{Divorce Busting Therapy}................Our marriage has never been better.  We celebrated our anniversary----it was one of the most memorable weekends of my life.  I am the happiest guy in the world now."

I am very humbled to have trained at the feet of an awesome mentor, Michele Weiner Davis.  Thank you Michele for giving me  the vision and  the tools to work with marriages.

Kent R. Brand, Psychotherapist and Marriage Counselor

SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

The news is devastating. Your spouse has told you that he or she does not love you anymore.  Or maybe you just found out that your spouse is having an affair.  Or maybe the arguments have become so terrible that you are losing hope in your marriage.  Maybe you are a blended family and not only have problems in your marriage, but also with the children.  You may be overwhelmed with sadness and grief about your marriage.

Have you thought about giving up?  There is another way!!

One of my first marriage counseling couples came in great distress.  The husband said that the marriage could be saved if his wife changed in a month.  You guessed it.  This marriage did not last.  Saving a marriage has some similarities to be a prisoner of war.  The prisoners of war who say, "if I can just make it until Christmas, I will be released."  Guess what.  Christmas comes and goes and these prisoners die.  However, the prisoners of war that "make it" are the ones who say, "no matter what or how long, I am going to survive and 'make it.'"  These are the ones who do make it out!!!  Be willing to persevere and never give up on your vows no matter what happens.

I have observed that in order for a marriage to "make it" at least one person in the marriage must be highly motivated to save the marriage and do "whatever it takes."  If just one person in the marriage is highly motivated, many marriages find outstanding results.  If a person or couple are just dabbling with the possibilities of success in marriage, it will not work and the marriage will fail.  My conviction is that you are highly motivated to save your marriage or you would not be reading this article.  I am proud of your hard work in searching for solutions.

Also, some couples do not give marriage counseling enough time.  Some couples have immediate success and think they can do it on their own.  After time, often these couples end up back in the horrific circumstances that first brought them to marriage counseling.  Other couples may not see the awesome results they want immediately and so quickly give up.  My experience is that marriage problems were not created in a day and they normally are not solved in a day.  When the counselor and the couple work together over and extended period of time, I find that couples begin to take a baby step after the next baby step toward awesome progress and one day we find the miracle in their marriage.  You would be amazed to hear the incredible marriage success stories that I hear in my office.  Research shows that once a marriage has achieved fantastic results it takes nine months of hard work to keep the marriage from reverting back to destructive patterns.  So a solid plan must be developed to keep this from happening.

For those of you who are spiritually minded, remember that the scriptures on faith also apply to troubled marriages:

"With God all things are possible."

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Begin believing that God will do a miracle in your marriage and that not only will your marriage be saved but it will flourish!!!!!!

Sometimes I hear a person say that nothing that they do or think will make any difference.  They believe that their problems in their marriage are too great so why even try.  What if Abraham Lincoln had said that after his multiple problems?  He would have missed out on being one of the great Presidents of the United States.  It does make a difference what you say or think!!!  In his book YOUR BEST LIFE NOW, Joel Osteen describes this dilemna:  "Don't talk about the problem, talk about the solution.  The Bible clearly tells us to speak to our mountains....'Let the weak say I'm strong'....Stop talking to God about how big your mountains are, and start talking to your mountains about how big your God is!....I love what David did when he faced the giant Goliath.  He didn't murmur and complain and say, 'God why do I always have these huge problems?' ...No, he changed his whole atmosphere through the words that came out of his mouth...Quit worrying and complaining about the obstacle, and start speaking to the problem."  Why not say to yourself, "I know we have difficult problems in our marriage, but I am confident that these problems can be overcome with the assistance of a marriage counselor and God's almighty power."

The first step to saving your marriage is not analyzing and blaming, but find something constructive to do.  Make a bold move in the direction of marriage growth.  Find a marriage friendly therapist or marriage counselor who will give you a road map out of marital death valley to marital paradise!!!  Have the courage to say what Julia Roberts says in PRETTY WOMAN, "I want the fairy tale."  Expect the impossible and take the first step.  My strong conviction is that you will be absolutely amazed at the results!!

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, PIP

Psychotherapist and Marriage Counselor

LISTENING

What you don't know about marriage counseling could be hazardous to your health

WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT MARRIAGE COUNSELING CAN BE

                                              HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH

Most people assume that all marriage counselors are trained and pro-marriage.  But the National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists is creating a buzz in the therapy world by going public with two contrary pieces of information: that many therapists seeing couples are not trained in this kind of work, and that even competent therapists are often neutral about whether  troubled marriages should end or endure.  The Registry has spent the past year assembling a group of trained, competent marriage therapists who value lifelong marriage and who work to help couples stay together unless there are compelling reasons not to.

The National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists, LLC is a resource for couples seeking competent marriage therapists, for ministers, physicians, attorneys, judges, and other referring professionals.  With therapists in 36 states and more being recruited across the nation, the Registry is succeeding in effectuating a list of  top marriage therapists who have forsaken the traditional neutrality of therapists about marriage and divorce.  These therapists understand that sometimes divorce is unavoidable, but their first effort is to see if the marriage can be preserved.  This is what most couples assume their therapist would believe, but surveys indicate that most therapists believe they should not advocate for marriage when people are considering divorce.

The seeds of this Registry were planted in 1995 when nationally prominent marriage therapist William J. Doherty, Ph.D., wrote a book titled Soul Searching in which he “came out” as a therapist who had abandoned neutrality about moral issues such as commitment and justice in human relationships.  He wrote that therapists often unintentionally undermine marital commitment in particular by taking an individualistic approach to commitment: how is it working for you now, and what will make you happiest in the future? A few years later he gave a public talk on the subject titled “How Therapy Can Be Hazardous to Your Marital Health.”  After it was distributed widely through the Web, this speech  launched an unending stream of e-mail stories from couples around the country about their bad experiences in marriage therapy, with many of these couples asking Dr. Doherty to recommend a therapist who was trained in marital therapy and had a pro-commitment value orientation.

Other than referring these couples to general directories of family therapists whose value orientations he had no way of knowing, Dr. Doherty felt stumped about providing these couples with resources.  He dreamed of creating a registry of therapists who were specialists in marriage therapy and who held values about marriage that most couples expected of a marriage therapist.  Then he met marriage and family therapist Kathleen Wenger, and together they launched this resource for couples by recruiting therapists who specialized in marriage therapy and who believe in marriage.

The National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists, LLC is an online registry of marriage therapists.  It is available online at www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com

For further information, contact Kent R. Brand, President and Founder of A FAMILY MATTER: 256-766-5707; kentroybrand@aol.com; www.afamilymatterfirst.com   

MY DREAMS SEEM CRUSHED

But he was gone when autumn came.

And still I dream he’ll come to me,

that we will live the years together.

But there are dreams that cannot be,

and there are storms we cannot weather.

I had a dream my life would be

so different than this hell I’m living.

So different now from what it seemed.

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

                               Les Miserables

Even though we give up on ourselves and our marriages, God never gives up on us.  Why not dare to make a comeback?  The Bible and life are full of comeback stories.  Why not be one of them?  Why not dare to “Dream the Impossible Dream?”  When life knocks you down, why not get back up?  Why not make that call right now to get marriage counseling?  Why not “pull out all the stops” for your marriage?  Could you live with yourself if you did not at least try?

What if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that your marriage would  turn from futility to a magical fairytale of deep love?  The one condition for this drastic turn from darkness to light is this: marriage counseling.  What would you do?

Kent R. Brand

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

416 North Seminary Street

Florence, Alabama 35630

256-766-5707

kentroybrand@aol.com

www.afamilymatterfirst.com

Counseling Feedback

COUNSELING FEEDBACK FROM THE COMMUNITY

One couple who successfully completed extensive marriage counseling through A FAMILY MATTER several years ago recently stated that they have never been more in love.

Another couple who recently came for marriage counseling stated that two different couples recommended A FAMILY MATTER for marriage counseling.

A counselor in the community recently stated that Kent Brand is “a very good guy.”

When one person recently came for counseling, she stated, “I hear that you are really good at what you do.”

A similar statement was made by a woman who came for counseling: “I heard that you are the best.”

A physician in the community recently told a client: “Kent Brand has had a lot of success in turning around children.”

What are the key ingredients that produce success in counseling?  Several keys that come to mind are the following: (1) a counselor who excels at building relationships; (2) a counselor who walks close to God and allows God to refresh him; (3) a counselor who receives regular feedback from clients; (4) a counselor who is practical and avoids psychological jargon; (5) a counselor who chooses powerful approaches and mentors; (6) a counselor who believes in teamwork with the client; (7) a counselor who believes in taking action immediately to turn around a problem.

I am very grateful to God, the community and happy clients who all make this practice extremely exciting and satisfying.

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, PIP

256-766-5707

A Family Matter First

416 North Seminary Street

Florence, Alabama 35630

kentroybrand@aol.com

www.afamilymatterfirst.com

THE TRUE AMERICAN IDOL

HOW TO CONNECT IN MARRIAGE

Connection is marriage is a paradox.  We want it, but many times we do the opposite things that bring about connection.  Connection in marriage is like building a house.  First, you must have the foundation.  Then little by little you add the walls, roof, electrical, and the inside finishing.  Are you ready to start taking steps to build a strong connection in your marriage?  Make the decision to give your whole heart to the marriage counseling steps.

Kent R. Brand

MARRIAGE ASSESSMENT

MARRIAGE ASSESSMENT

1.  We(I) make “time together” (dates, hobbies, etc. . .) a high priority for our marriage.

   A.  Every week

   B.  Once a month

   C.  Rarely

2.  We(I) understand our spouse’s “love language” (time together, affection, deeds of service, gifts, or praise) and we(I) give his/her “love language” preference

   A.  Frequently

   B.  Sometimes

   C.  Rarely

3.  When we(I) argue, we(I) are able to resolve the disagreement

   A.  The same day

   B.  Sometimes

   C.  Rarely

4.  Both of us are committed to meeting each other’s sexual needs

   A.  Always

   B.  Sometimes

   C.  Rarely

5.  We have very few arguments about money in our marriage

   A.  True

   B.  Sometimes true

   C.  False

6.  We are successful in not letting our parents’ opinions interfere with decisions we make together as a couple.

   A.  True

   B.  Partially true

   C.  False

7.  We(I) demonstrate our emotional loyalty to our spouse by alerting our spouse to people or situations that are pulling at our(my) affections.

   A.  True

   B.  Sometimes true

   C.  False

Scoring: A=3; B=2; C=1.                                   Total Score: 17-21=Happily Married

                                                                                                 11-16=Marriage Needs Attention

                                                                                                  0-10=Serious Trouble-get help fast

LIGHT HER FIRE

Light Her Fire

1.  Turn differences into compliments; 2. Be a friend-prove your love–little things mean a lot; 3. Listen with all your heart–at least 30 minutes per day; 4. Share and manage your feelings; 5. Radiate Confidence and have a sense of humor–be in touch with the child inside; 6. Romance her–verbally and with touching–write down 51 creative ways to shine with romance for her; 7. Be an imaginative lover–Read Song of Songs.

Keys–touch outside the bedroom–deep and personal talking and affection–passion in the marriage–snuggle–adventure of romance–get out of the rut–vertical kisses–zeal for your spouse!!!!!  Ignite her passion!

Anger Everywhere

Anger on the road.  Anger in the car.  Anger with politicians.  Anger with the kids.  Anger at the job.  Anger with boss.  Anger with the neighbor.  Anger in the marriage.  Anger over broken trust.  Anger from hurt.  Anger from rejection.  Anger from feeling threatened.  Anger from constant frustration.  Anger from fear.  Anger from not having God in my life.  Anger from childhood wounds.  Anger is everywhere.

Can a leopard change his stripes?  Am I doomed to a life of anger?

I strongly believe that anger can be overcome.  You can break the cycle.  Radical change will take place.

The first step is to get competent professional help.  You cannot do it alone.  Every person I have worked with in psychotherapy has radically changed intense anger into strength under control.  You can do it!  I believe in you!!!!

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

A Family Matter First

MARRIAGE VISION

What Marriage is Not

Marriage is not a debate.  If one persons wins an argument in the marriage, both  lose.

Marriage is not a football game.  It is not a competition nor a power struggle.

Marriage is not a criminal trial.  It is not drilling one's spouse with detective like questions.

Marriage is not a vacation.  Although marriage should be fun and happy, it definitely takes hard work.

Marriage is like a bank account.  The more deposits you make into your marriage, the happier you  will be.  If all you do is make withdrawals, watch for marital bankruptcy.

DEPRESSION STATS

BRINGING BACK THE BEAUTY

 Bringing Back the Beauty

In the beginning life was grand

We walked joyfully with God

And as we walked we knew we could stand

In the awe and wonder of a God so great.

To be our brother’s keeper was the goal

True friendship grew and grew

We felt the harmony soul to soul

Rejoicing that all men would know us by our love.

And now it’s your turn

To bring back the beauty

So many won’t burn

To walk with God and man in deep fellowship is the plan.

For to us the call of a new era is greatness

Without God there is no fulfillment

Fill us with passionate execution for family fitness

And believe that through God there is significant contribution.

Kent R. Brand

THE SUPER SHRINK

FAILURE IS NOT FATAL

FAILURE IS NOT FATAL

“Giving hope” to families in distress is an absolutely vital part of the family therapist’s goals for the first therapy session.  Many families coming for therapy have come to accept failure in their family as the norm.  To assist these same families in believing that “transformation is within reach, miracles do happen, and 180 degree turns are possible” is truly exciting and fulfilling.

Vince Lombardi once said, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”  Abraham Lincoln experienced  “one failure after another” before becoming one of our greatest Presidents.  Many great men have failed in their predictions: (1) “Flight by machines heavier than air is unpractical and insignificant, if not utterly impossible.”–Simon Newcomb, an astronomer of some note, 1902; (2) It is an idle dream to imagine that...automobiles will take the place of railways in the long distance movement of....passenger.”–American Road Congress, 1913; (3) “There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom.”–Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize winner in physics, 1920; (4) “I think there is a world market for about five computers.”–Thomas J. Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943; (5) “There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.”–Ken Olson, president of Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977; and (6) “The phonograph.....is not of any commercial value.”–Thomas Edison remarking on his own invention to his assistant Sam Insull, 1880.

Success in life depends on one’s willingness to risk.  In order to hit one’s dreams risk is essential.  Doctors, ministers, educators, and attorneys can have a huge impact on a family’s future by giving them the faith to take the risk of family counseling.  This risk for the family will in turn produce happy marriages and successful children.

A Christian counselor is powerfully aware of the hope given by the Scriptures.  In fact, the word “hope” is used one hundred forty times in the Bible!!  The Greek word for hope is elpis which is translated as “favorable and confident expectation.”  Thus, the Christian counselor gives hopeless clients the happy anticipation of good and great things ahead!!

Kent R. Brand

May 2, 2005

What is your name?

Is your name Wounded? Lonely? Discouraged? Angry? Depressed? Broken? Fearful?

Therapy can give you a new name!!!

A great counselor can help you change your name to Happy! Free! Peaceful! Mended! Courageous!

If this has appeal, find a great counselor as soon as possible.

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

Marriage Counselor

Child Therapist

AWESOME DREAMS

AWESOME DREAMS

The beginning of 2007 brings new hope and dreams for families in distress.  Suffering families do not need to give up hope even though their problems seem insurmountable.  In fact God has such high expectation of change for overwhelmed families that He punctuates His blessings to hope by using the word “hope” one hundred sixty six times in SCRIPTURE.  My personal dream is to assist troubled families in experiencing this scripture: “I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being........Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine......” (Ephesians 3:14-22).

I praise God for his unforgettable miracles for families in 2006:

A very depressed man with an abusive childhood has steadily improved over six months.  He now reports that the depression is gone and he is very happy.  Amazing!!!!!

A young married couple was told by a counselor to get a divorce and the husband was told it was all his fault.  He said he would never go see another counselor.  Somehow he came to the first session even though the marriage was on the verge of divorce.  After five Divorce Busting sessions, the couple has become an incredible team and report that they are doing “awesome” in their marriage.

During the last few months I have seen six seventeen year old depressed young men.  All of them have experienced trauma recently from the death of a loved one or an event very similar.  None of these young men were suicidal, but the right triggers could have pushed them over the edge.  Thank God for great parents who want help for their children.  Each of these young men have been very receptive to therapy and have radically changed from being very depressed to being happy and well-adjusted.

After the husband’s unfaithfulness, another couple committed to the twelve sessions necessary for Imago Marriage Therapy.  The couple was dedicated to completing the required homework and now have a vibrant and beautiful marriage.  The last therapy session was like an awe-inspiring marriage ceremony.

These incredible success stories have been multiplied many times over in the office of A FAMILY MATTER in 2006.  Thank you for your awesome dreams for families.  Please pray for an abundance of unforgettable miracles in 2007.

Kent R. Brand, ACSW, LCSW, PIP

A Family Matter First

766-5707

kentroybrand@aol.com

If you play with fire....

"If you play with fire, you will get burned."

If you have a secret vice or destructive habit, it will come back to haunt you.  Whether it is pornography, an affair, drug use or any other bad habit, it will hurt you physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  You think you are hiding it but it will eventually come out in the open. 

Why not get help now for this behavior that is hurting you?  Why put yourself through the pain of  dispair, loneliness, and sickness?

I am asking you to get help today.  Become accountable.  Share your problem with someone you trust or a therapist.  Learn how to overcome and be victorious.

Kent R. Brand

Marriage, Child and Individual Counselor

Expert Fire Extinguisher

SO MUCH HAPPIER

It is with great appreciation that I write this article for Kent Brand.  When I first came to see Kent I mentally and physically couldn't function with daily life.  I was broken because of a bad experience in life.  It rooted from my past, but interfered with my present day life at a job.  I had someone who treated me badly as a child, and then I had let that person run my life and then they shattered my dreams then, and now.  I can count on two hands how many times I have seen my biological father in 17 years.  The last time I saw him he cussed me and yelled at me.  Since I had allowed him to hurt me in the past I had let him hurt me again as an adult.  I had allowed mysself to forget about him and focus on a job that I loved.  I have always wanted to please people and so I have let people control me up until a few months ago.  Now, it is with great pride that I can thank Kent and say I have learned how to deal with people who are not kind, gentle, and caring.

LIFE CHANGING THERAPY

LIFE CHANGING THERAPY FOR CHILDREN

The Nurtured Heart Approach for difficult children was developed by Howard Glasser whom I regard as the top child therapist in the world.  Howard was a difficult child himself who became a therapist for children.  When all of the approaches that he learned at the university failed, Howard took a break from therapy.  During this break he spent time with Dr. Patch Adams.  Patch helped him find himself.  Howard then reasoned that since he was a difficult child and understood how difficult children think—he could develop a powerful approach to transform challenging children.  The results have been phenomenal!!!!  Now thousands of children worldwide who previously had been given up on-----have been transformed.

The Nurtured Heart Approach for difficult children has been proven to be amazingly effective with thousands of  children from juvenile court, children with ADHD, children with extremely negative behaviors, and even children suffering with emotional problems

THE BIG Ds

What are the big Ds that you are dealing with in your life?

Is it depression, discouragement, divorce, debt, disaster, or doubt?

These problems are huge mountains that cannot be overcome easily.  You may need a psychotherapist who is not afraid of the big Ds.  If the fear of any one of the big Ds has you in a state of confusion, consider the possibilities of overcoming these huge problems.  Sound good?  Find some help quickly so you won't have to live in misery.

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

WEAKNESS TO STRENGTH

WEAKNESS TO STRENGTH

Some of the greatest people of history overcame weaknesses and today we think of their strengths and not their weaknesses.  Beethoven was blind and could have settled for being a shopkeeper, but overcame his weaknesses and became one of the greatest composers of all time.  Michael Jordan could have quit when he was cut from his basketball team in high school.  The Wright brothers could have given into the shame of family problems and settled for a mediocre life, but instead they pioneered the first airplane flight. 

Many people today believe that ADHD is a curse to children.  However, when teachers and parents begin to think outside the box for their children, they begin to see another side.  Children with ADHD can be directed in one of two directions: (1) you are a problem and there is something wrong with you—why can’t you ever do anything right—why can’t you sit still and do your work like the other children;  (2) you are not a mistake—you were designed for a higher purpose–you have unique wiring and that is good—you have the ability to think outside the box and do great things with your life.

We must not allow our children to be defined by ADHD or their weaknesses.  Do we focus on the fact that Bill Gates is a lousy painter and did not finish school or his amazing strength as the entrepreneurial founder of Microsoft?

My mentor, Howard Glasser, also trained colleagues Kirk and Anita Martin.  Kirk and Anita have written a new book Celebrate! ADHD.  Kirk and Anita carefully describe how to channel the gifts and passions of a child with ADHD so that their negatives are turned into positives, school performance is improved, and the child’s inner sense of confidence begins to blossom.

If you know a school interested in using the NURTURED HEART APPROACH in their school or if you know of a parent who wants to learn how to focus energy, creativity and compassion in their child, please consider having them contact A FAMILY MATTER for more information.

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, PIP

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

256-766-5707

www.afamilymatterfirst.com

kentroybrand@aol.com

THE POWER OF COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY

THE POWER OF COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL THERAPY

I used to avoid difficult and challenging clients, but now I welcome them.  The reason is that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy has given me a fearless confidence as a therapist.  Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is an empirically supported treatment that focuses on patterns of thinking that are maladaptive and the beliefs that underlie such thinking.  Beliefs like “I am worthless” can be radically changed through therapy to “I am special.”  Studies have demonstrated that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy has great usefulness with mood disorders and depression, anger and  rage problems, anxiety challenges, substance abuse addiction, panic attacks, eating disorders, job or school difficulties, traumatic childhood hangovers, inadequate coping skills, obsessions, sleep problems, and difficulty staying in relationships.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy has been shown to be as useful an antidepressant medication for individuals with depression and is superior in preventing relapse.

Completing homework is a central feature of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and I believe releases its true power.  If when you attempted to learn your multiplication tables you spent only one hour per week studying them, you might still be wondering what 5 x 5 equals.  You very likely spent a great deal of time at home studying your multiplication tables, maybe with flash cards.  The same is the case with psychotherapy.  Goal achievement (if obtained) could take a very long time if all a person focused on the problem was the one hour a week in therapy.  Instead, I take therapy into the arena of life and make it practical for every day living.

The results I have seen with Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy are phenomenal!!!!  It has radically turned severe anger to peace, near suicide depression to happiness, intense negative feelings about self to powerfully positive feelings about self.  From teenagers to adults, from singles to marrieds, from males to females.........the results are the same....the client starts with diligently following the homework assignments.....baby steps of growth begin....step by step with consistency over time.....the problem radically changes from a negative to a positive!!!!!!!

The Apostle Paul through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit said it best, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.”  (Philippians 4:8-9)

If you know anyone who you think could benefit from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, please contact me at 256-766-5707 to reserve space for the first appointment. 

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, ACSW, PIP

President, Founder, and Family Therapist

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

kentroybrand@aol.com               www.afamilymatterfirst.com  

THE DIFFICULT CHILD

THE DIFFICULT CHILD

One of the most challenging family matters is the difficult child.  Parents spend sleepless nights worrying about the child who is difficult and often find no answers in spite of the 55,000 books on parenting.

My mentor, Howard Glasser, was himself a difficult child.  His approach is amazingly powerful and extremely simple.  Howard has successfully assisted thousands of parents and teachers in the world by turning each child from behavior problems, emotional turmoil, ADHD, and criminal activity to wonderful success and happiness.

Since the opening of A FAMILY MATTER on March 15, 2005, I have seen seventeen families with a difficult child.  Some of the children are in trouble with the law; some have emotional challenges; and all have behavior problems.  The shifts from the negative to the positive have been miraculous.  Of the seventeen children we have seen six successful outcomes, four with success in a short period of time, five in process with great progress, one referred to a psychiatrist for further evaluation, and one new child.  All praise goes to God for being a God of transformation.

The following are some personal testimonies from parents who have used The Nurtured Heart Approach.

“This is absolutely the most worthwhile information I have ever learned.  My hyperactive child is now my amazing child.”

“My child was diagnosed with ADHD.  I thought it was a death sentence.  We couldn’t go an hour without an argument or some horrendous incident.  Now I know peace and pleasure for the first time in many years.”

“Our child was in therapy for years.  The more she got in touch with her feelings, the more she seemed to take her anger out on us.  It’s hard to believe, but after applying these strategies for less than a month, my difficult teenage daughter is now a cooperative and  pleasant young person.”

“We had lost hope.  This approach has saved our family.  We were spinning our wheels.  Everything we tried in the past was making the problems worse.  Now our intense child is intensely wonderful....without medications.”

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, ACSW, PIP

September 27, 2005

A Family Matter First

256-394-1865

TRANSFORMING THE DIFFICULT CHILD

Finally, I have found this approach to be effective with my own five year old granddaughter.  It has transformed transition times from a huge battle into an absolute joy.

Problems with children that are not given serious attention often become worse.  Don’t hesitate.  Get the help you need today.  Contact A FAMILY MATTER FIRST to reserve your first appointment.

Kent R. Brand, MSW, ACSW, LCSW, PIP

Certified Nurtured Heart Therapist

Child Therapist

Family Therapist

256-766-5707

kentroybrand@aol.com

SPEAK FOR CHILDREN OF DIVORCE

SPEAK FOR THE CHILDREN OF DIVORCE

Who in our society will speak for the children of divorce?  They often have no voice.  Do they want their parents to divorce?  Most would fight to keep their parents together.  And when divorce does come, the child may feel like the divorce is “my fault.”  

Research shows that except in very extreme conflict-ridden families–and most families do not fit this criterion–children are better off when their parents stay married.  Even if the parent is happier as a result of divorce, there is no “trickle down effect.”  Children still struggle emotionally regardless of how the parent feels.

Since children of divorce are less likely to finish school and more likely to face teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, and delinquent behavior, it seems logical that someone needs to “stand up” for the children and hear their voice.  My conviction is that professionals who are seeing children in this situation can have an answer.  Since “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” physicians, attorneys, ministers and other professionals can intercede and point to a path of hope through Christian counseling.

The Nurtured Heart Approach to children in distress is the perfect answer for this extremely difficult family crisis because it offers hope for taking away the confusion, anger, and depression that a child feels as a result of a divorce.  At A FAMILY MATTER I often see children whose parents have divorced and problems have erupted like an exploding volcano.  Children age five to twelve often have the most challenging time with a divorce because they are too old to fantasize the divorce away and too young to rationalize the reasons for the divorce.  Hence, stomach aches, headaches, emotional problems and school difficulties result.

If you know a child or children in this situation, please seriously consider securing some strong, Christian, Nurtured Heart therapy for the family.

Kent R. Brand

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

394-1865

kentroybrand@aol.com

www.afamilymatterfirst.com

www.difficultchild.com

RELATIONSHIP

RELATIONSHIP

The number one reason for success in therapy is the relationship that the therapist builds with the client.  In fact, research points to relationship as the synergy for change in 40% of all individuals or families who come to a therapist for counseling.  A therapist who is caring, empathetic, gives unconditional positive regard, and is “tuned in” to the client is well on the way to a successful outcome in counseling..  The God-given hunger for friendship/relationship has been stymied in recent years by various sociological, psychological, and spiritual reasons.  Several years ago, a psychologist in Chicago reported that 90% of the men in our country do not have a “best friend.”   “Best friend” relationships have motivated many great individuals throughout history.  The “best friend” relationship of David and Jonathan was extremely therapeutic:   “And Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God...” (I Samuel 23:16).  Likewise, a strong Christian therapist can build a powerful relationship with a client which will in turn produce magnificent changes in the family.

A poem displayed at the A FAMILY MATTER office speaks with amazing insight about RELATIONSHIP:

If there is a Universal solution

    To the problems of youth

        I am unable to see it.

If there is a therapy, that works every time,

                     With every youth,

                In every circumstance,

                   I am unable to find it.

Ours is approach, hoping for a solution.

Ours is a struggle, searching for an answer.

               For with every individual,

                   The solution is different,

   In every moment the struggle is changed,

In every circumstance there are more considerations.

                         When it is all concluded,

All the therapy....forgotten, even the approaches....

                                Not remembered

       All the answers......only words......

 The relationship ....has stood in the gap,

                Remaining a part of life,

                    A reason for change.

Kent R. Brand

FROM DRUGS TO DEDICATION

FROM DRUGS TO DEDICATION

In the spring of 1971 I was leading Bible Studies for Youthful Offenders at Polk Youth Prison in Raleigh, North Carolina.  During this time I met Bill Searcy, a sixteen year old youth who had been a runaway and was incarcerated for numerous drug charges.  Bill showed a great eagerness to change his life and follow Jesus.  On April 27, 1971 Bill became a disciple of Jesus.

Since that day, Bill has received a BA in Missions and Biblical Languages (magna cum laude), Master of Divinity (graduated 2^nd in class), and Doctor of Ministry in Missions (3.82 GPA).  He began mission work for Christ in 1975.  He worked in the Soviet Union, Eastern Europe and China until 1983.  Then he worked five years in a medical and church mission in the jungles and swamps of Belize, Central America.  He has training in grief, trauma, marriage and family, plus cross-cultural counseling.  His travels have taken him to all seven continents and seventy five countries.  Currently, he is the senior professor at Nairobi Great Commission School in Kenya and also has a private counseling service.  The top priority of his life is mission work for God.

How many other lives are wasting away in drugs and alcohol, but longing for a purpose and direction beyond themselves?

Since the opening of A FAMILY MATTER in March of 2005, I have completed approximately one hundred  DRUG & ALCOHOL ASSESSMENTS for individuals who have “hit rock bottom” and are desperate to change their lives.  A DRUG & ALCOHOL ASSESSMENT is the required first step before an individual enters a treatment program. 

My experience and faith lead me to believe there are many other people who could be turned “from drugs to dedication.”  If you know of someone in need of this service, please encourage them to call for help.

Kent R. Brand, MSW, ACSW, LCSW, PIP

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

766-5707

kentroybrand@aol.com

www.afamilymatterfirst.com

 CAN A CHILD WITH ADHD FOCUS? 

In Kindergarten Michael Phelps could not sit still.    In Elementary School one teacher told 

Michael Phelps’s mother, “Your son will never be able to focus on anything.”   Later, a doctor 

put Michael on Ritalin for hyperactivity.   Two years later Michael asked to not take Ritalin 

anymore.  His request was granted.  Now the whole world knows that Michael Phelps can 

focus.   He just needed his mother and a coach to help him find his dream.   Michael has an 

unbelievable ability to focus mentally.   He knows how to swim an exact time for a race.   And 

now the whole world marvels as Michael celebrates eight gold medals in 2008 Olympics and a 

total of 14 gold medals from 2004 and 2008.   

Stephen Speilberg could not function in school.   He was bored and struggled.   The teachers did not find his dream.   His mother withdrew him from school and helped him explore his dream.   

Now we all are amazed at the talent of Stephen Speilburg in making movies. 

Without someone giving these children a dream, we would have all missed out on greatness.   

Who were the adults who gave Martin Luther King, Jr., Jonas Salk, the Wright brothers, Mother 

Teresa, Beethoven, and Thomas Edison dreams?    If there was a diagnosis for ADHD in their 

days, Albert Einstein and Robin Williams may well have met all the criteria.   Yes, they had 

problems with focus in some areas.   But the real key was helping them focus on their dream!!   

When they were able to focus on their dream, the world changed for the better. 

If you are a parent or a teacher who is getting frustrated with a child who is bored or can’t sit still 

or can’t focus, please begin to look at the child’s strengths more than his or her weaknesses.   

We could have all found faults with the children listed above.   Why not find a way to focus on 

the child’s strengths?    Find a NURTURED HEART THERAPIST who will assist you in finding 

the true greatness that may be lying dormant inside of the child!!!   Develop your child’s gifts 

and passions!   Help your child build confidence and friendships.   Help your child learn to like 

himself or herself.   Learn to turn anxiety into productiveness.  Strongly consider not putting 

your child on medication.  Find creative ways to improved school performance–ask the teacher 

for ways to challenge his or her energy into positives.  Create a master plan, a vision of 

greatness, with your child.   Learn to leverage competitive advantages with your child’s 

strengths.   Help your child find a purpose.   Learn to imitate Debbie Phelps, Michael Phelps’ 

mother. 

So you tell me, Can a child with ADHD focus? 

May we as adults learn to focus on children’s strengths instead of their weaknesses. 

Kent R. Brand, MSW, LCSW, PIP 

Psychotherapist 

FEARLESS

What Are the Advantages of Counseling?

If I do nothing, what may happen?

1.  The problem may stay the same or get worse.

2.  I may lose hope.

3.  I will not have an unbiased person to listen to me.

4.  I will not receive any reliable direction for my life.

5.  I could lose my family or sink deeper into the problem.

If I get counseling, what may happen?

1.  I will probably feel hope.

2.  I will get solid direction for my problem.

3.  I talk to someone who really listens.

4.  I will find someone who will not take sides or allow arguing.

5.  I will mostly likely save myself, marriage or child.

MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS?

Do you sometimes feel that your marriage is unstable? Fragile?  Why not considering building your marriage on the solid rock?  Find the security you have always longed for!!!!   Begin today to find solid answers that will build your marriage on a foundation that cannot be destroyed.

Kent R. Brand

What is a counselor?

The definition of counselor is an individual who is called alongside of another in order to help.  There is no shame in asking another person for help with life's key issues.  In fact, ancient wisdom considered one to be wise when seeking guidance and direction.  The smartest business owners have a whole team of advisors who lead them along the path of great success.  It is to your honor to "shake off" your fears of seeming to be weak and realize that true greatness lies in finding and following excellent counsel.

Kent R. Brand

THE BEST OF THE BEST AWARD

Recently my wife and I celebrated our anniversary.  It was full of great joy, surprises, adventure, romance and wildness.  We took five days to celebrate a breath-taking marriage of excellence.  On our journey we found a bakery that had received the "best of the best" award.  Needless to say, the bread was outstanding. 

When I started my practice, I decided to learn from the best of the best.  This approach has been an incredible blessing to marriages, children, and myself.  It is always a great policy to go for the best.

So when you look for a counselor, don't settle for a mediocre therapist.  Find a therapist who is the "best of the best." 

I believe my clients are truly the best of the best.  They are families who have not settled for the easy way.  They have courage to make the first call, the strength to walk in for the first appointment, and the perseverence to be diligent in following key instructions for marriage, family and children.  The families who come to me are the best of the best because they find a way to turn disaster into awesome success.  I offer my highest honor to these resilient families.

Kent R. Brand

Marriage Counselor

Child Therapist

Psychotherapist

Interview with Howard Glasser

ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY FOR ‘A FAMILY MATTER’

God has blessed the first year of A FAMILY MATTER FIRST “more than I could ask or imagine.”

In the first year I was privileged to see and offer hope to forty marriages, eleven individuals suffering from depression, anxiety or panic attacks, and eighty one families experiencing difficulties with their children. Ten alcohol and drug assessments were completed for individuals seeking in-patient treatment.  In addition, two families were assisted with their adoption process and two social workers received regular professional supervision required by the state of Alabama. 

The most exciting and gratifying aspect has been to see the large numbers of individuals and families who have experienced  “miracles”/180s/transformations!!!!  I congratulate these individuals and families for allowing “the mustard seed faith” to grow and see God’s mighty hand.  Now I am seeing families who have experienced success through therapy refer other families to A FAMILY MATTER.

I give my sincerest thanks to the forty medical practices, churches, health centers, judges, probation officers, hair salons, and  individuals who have referred these special people to A FAMILY MATTER.  Each of you have been joint participants in seeing families turned from hopelessness to peace, victory and greatness.  Thank you for making a huge difference.

Kent Brand

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

394-1865

TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY

THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

“Where the family matters and lives are transformed” was the motto of A FAMILY MATTER FIRST in the beginning of the practice.  Now three years later we see that this motto has truly been successful.  We are very grateful to God for His wonders and to each medical and legal practice,  judge, teacher, minister, church leader, counselor, and concerned community member who have been a huge part of this success.  Over the past year 93 of you referred over 335 families to A FAMILY MATTER.  Since the beginning of A FAMILY MATTER we have served together approximately 191 marriages, 36 individuals, and 220 children.  In addition we have completed approximately 71 drug & alcohol assessments.  This totals approximately 518 families and an estimated total of 1600+  family members.

It is amazing to see miracle after miracle in my office each week: intense anger turned into love; couples with multiple marriages finally finding happiness in their current marriage; deep depression turned to joy and peace; young marriages turning disaster into success, affairs being stopped and couples falling in love all over again; and children with deep depression and intense behavior problems finding wonderful happiness and success.

A special thanks goes out to each of you for assisting with many journeys of transformation.  You are making a difference.  Thank you. 

COMEBACK STORY

Do you know who you are?                                        Still the friend continues

Do you remember your name?                                   calling your name,

Or are you blinded by the hurts,                                and singing the song

and numbed by the pain?                                           with the forgotten refrain.

“You’re a loser!”                                                      “Get up! You can do it!”

Someone shouts from the crowd.                               is the call of the hour.

So you hang your head low,                                      “We all can be winners,

ashamed and unproud.                                              by God’s might power!”

But another voice sings

and cheers you on.                                                    —Jeff Chacon (Dare to Dream Again)

It’s a voice from the past,

singing your song.

It’s the song of your heart,                                       Kent r. brand, Psychotherapist

so precious and pure.                                               A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

The melody’s familiar,                                             256-766-5707

but the words are a blur.                                         www.afamilymatterfirst.com

FOUR YEAR ANNIVERSARY

FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

According to the SMALL BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION one half of all new businesses fail in the first three to five years.  Long term success is a true mark of excellence.  I am happy to report that A FAMILY MATTER FIRST has not only survived the first five years of existence, but is now flourishing with great numbers of new referrals and a great many families who consider A FAMILY MATTER their family and marriage resource for life.

I give my heartfelt thanks to God, all the professionals, and each familiy who helped to supremely multiply success for the family.

Kent R. Brand

Psychotherapist

A FAMILY MATTER FIRST

  A FAMILY MATTER FIRST provides marriage counseling, marriage therapy, a marriage counselor, a marriage therapist, child counseling, child therapy, teen counseling, anger management, drug & alcohol counseling, depression, anger, and anxiety therapy for the online community and the following Alabama communities:  Florence, Muscle Shoals, Sheffied, Rogersville, Waterloo, Barton, Lexington, Hackleburg, Town Creek, Anderson, Bear Creek, Courtland, St. Florian, Cherokee, Hamilton, Haleyville, Moulton, Decatur, Huntsville, Killen, Tuscumbia, Elgin, Petersville, Colbert Heights, Green Hill, Littleville, Center Star, Cloverdale, Spruce Pine, Red Bay, Central Heights, Pleasant Site, Phil Campbell, Leighton, Athens, and Madison.  Tennessee communities include:  Lawrenceburg, Savannah, St. Joseph, Loretto, Leoma, Waynesboro, Collinwood, Pulaski, Pickwick Dam, Westpoint, Minor Hill, Shiloh, Counce, Cypress Inn, Iron City, Wayland Springs, Columbia, and Busby.  Mississippi communities include:  Iuka, Booneville, Marietta, Baldwyn, Belmont, Holcut, Doskie, High Point, East Port, Dennis, New Site, Paden, Tishomingo, Burnsville, Farmington Glen, Kendrick, North Crossroads, Leedy, Biggersville, Thrashers, Oldham, Jacinto, Corinth, Tupelo, Saltillo, Wheeler, and Golden.  The following zip codes are also included:  35630, 35632, 35634, 35661, 35660, 35653, 35654, 35677, 35648, 35564, 35610, 35543, 35618, 35616, 35570, 35565, 35650, 35601, 35603, 35652, 35801, 35802, 35803, 35805, 35806, 35808, 35810, 35811, 35813, 35816, 35824, 35645, 35674, 35653, 35617, 35585, 35582, 35581, 35646, 35611, 35613, 35614, 35756, 35757, 35758, 38464, 38372, 38469, 38468, 38485, 38450, 38478, 38365, 38486, 38473, 38376, 38326, 38452, 38463, 38401, 38852, 38829, 38856, 38824, 38827, 38828, 38859, 38873, 38833, 38834, 38801, 38804, 38866, and 38847.

MARRIAGE, CHILD or INDIVIDUAL SKYPE COUNSELING

Marriage, child or individual therapy is available to families in all 50 states via skype.  Marriage counseling works for any state where you live.